Name: shadowsong26
Story: Steps Away
'Verse: Feredar
Colors: Spilt Ink #17. I am with you, from your first word, to your last. I am with you, from your cracked ribs, to the corners of your smile., Dirt Brown #9. Landslide, Glitter #22. You've got to be carefully taught. - South Pacific
Supplies and Materials: bichromatic, miniature collection, eraser (Accident AU), oils, stain, feathers, chalk, novelty beads (you've got nothing), glitter, glue ("You have more accessibility to your own emotions today, and this can help you in ways that may not be obvious to anyone else. What comes to the surface now isn't necessarily pretty")
Word Count: 500
Rating: R
Characters: Nolani, Isshiri, Kesshare
Warnings: Familial/parental death, internalized ableism, excessive codependency
Notes: Constructive criticism welcome, as always. This AU is one where Ineku died in an accident when Isshiri was about 10 months old.


“Come on, ‘Sshiri, you can do it…”

Her baby brother clung to the chair briefly, all serious, before finally pushing off and wobbling over to join her.

“Yay!” She pulled him onto her lap and hugged him close, giggling.

“Ba,” he agreed, solemnly.

“Nolani.”

She looked up, surprised—Mommy never came to see them, she always had them brought to her.

“Hi,” she said, standing up and making sure Isshiri was sitting safe next to her.

“Come here,” Mommy said.

Nolani joined her, and Mommy crouched down, looking her right in the eye. “Nolani, do you know what death means?”

~ * ~ * ~

If I’d gotten there sooner…

Mamma kept telling her that it might not have made any difference, that she’d saved ‘Sshiri’s life and punished Uncle Ulore and that was all that mattered, but…

But Isshiri was so hurt and he’d never be the same again, and if she’d just gotten there a few minutes faster, maybe he wouldn’t have been hit at all.
Mamma just didn’t understand, that’s all. Nolani was pretty sure that Mamma didn’t understand a lot of things.

So she stayed with Isshiri, when Mamma and Riluke came and went, and promised she’d do better next time.

~ * ~ * ~

“There you are,” she said. It had taken her almost four hours to find him this time.

“I’m okay, ‘Lani,” he said.

“This wing’s blocked off for a reason,” she reminded him, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good.

“I wanted to see what it was.” He grinned at her, and picked himself up. “I’m not hurt, I promise.”

“This time,” she muttered. He wasn’t even wild yet, except he was, at least three years early. He was always getting into places he had no business being.

He hugged her briefly. “You worry too much.”

Nolani wasn’t so sure.

~ * ~ * ~

“You don’t have to go.”

The whole thing left a bad taste in her mouth. She couldn’t protect him in Feredar.

Isshiri gave her a crooked smile. “I know. But…”

“But you’re going anyway.”

He nodded.

“Why?” she said, trying to keep her voice from breaking. Isshiri did not need a load of guilt from her, not now.

He looked away. “This is all I’m good for.”

“Isshiri—”

He turned back to her, grinning, and cut off any questions. “Uncle says it’s important. And I like being useful.”

“All right…” she said.

Don’t worry,” he insisted. “I’ll come home.”

~ * ~ * ~

This is all I’m good for.

If she hadn’t convinced him that wasn’t true in ten years, nothing she would say would change his mind now.

She shouldn’t be surprised, really. Her lovers never lasted, and Riluke was gone, and Mamma had never really been there, and Daddy…

She had never been good enough. Not to save him, not to put him back together after, not to keep him safe. From himself as much as anything else.

Nolani watched her little brother leave, and, when she was sure he couldn’t here, whispered, “You promised you’d come back. Remember that. Please.”